I am going to have to slow down, and that is going to have to be OK.
- Kayle is little, easily distracted and gets from place to place at a turtle's speed.
- Isabella is mentally and physically slow. Her speech is slow. Her ability to hear and take in directions is slow. She walks slow, she moves slow. The more tired or sick she is the slower everything becomes. I am pretty sure we got passed by a snail on our way to school this morning.
- Getting anywhere with 4 kids takes longer.
Don't pray for Patience, or you'll have to LEARN them
- Patience is one of those virtues I really wish could be handed over in a beautifully wrapped package with a trailing big bow. Unfortunately we are given the opportunity to learn them through practice. And for those of us who are slow on the uptake, eh-hem, we are given the opportunity many, many times. Something tells me, this whole ordeal might have it's own large ribbon. Because I have already had to exercise an extremely vast amount of patience, and I am confident I have barely touched the tip of the iceberg.
- The upside, is that it might be a little easier than previous opportunities have been. Isabella struggles in so much. She can only compute directions one at a time. Sometimes even getting one in can take a lot of intentionality. But she is a sweet heart and in all of her inabilities is wrapped this hurting little girl that you have to be patient with, because her innocence overwhelms you.
Despite whatever faults are evident to the courts, Isabella and Kayle's mom did a lot right.
- They are well behaved girls (for the most part).
- They have good manners. Please and Thank you's come on their own or easily with a reminder.
I have to get over the mess
- This is one that people were sure would come with kids, but it only got worse. But right now, there are some spaces I have really just had to let go of. And for me that is a huge feat. God really can work miracles in the most unlikely people. ;-) Kate is still on a mattress on Bryan's floor. The chaos of the space with extra blankets spread about, stuffed animals everywhere, Bryan's latest maps and craft creations littering the desk and floor. Yet I can't go there. It just has to be OK for now.
There aren't enough sides of me
- When I try to read to the kids there are wars about who gets to sit next to me. And with one on each side and one on my lap, there is still not a space close enough to me for someone. So I have ruled the lap out when all 4 are around, so 2 people have to be miserable together. I think when you have 4 kids in a more "natural" way, with each addition to the family, the kids slowly get used to having less and less access to mom. In this case we have 2 families merging, each with 2 kids, suddenly having to share one set of parents, and there isn't an easy way to help everyone adjust to that change. Including me.
It's HARD to go backwards in parenting
- I was just getting to a place with my 2 where I felt I could breath again. Where they were gaining some independence in things they could do for themselves (get dressed, take their baths, brush their teeth, make their beds) and they were finally starting to implement some of the training we have been working on in regards to kindness, sharing, and other expectations. Having to go backwards, after almost arriving, is HARD. These new little additions have to be taught much, and it is now my job to do it, and to do it with patience, and with an audience as I have to explain to my two why the rules have to be learned, and therefore expectations among the 4 are different.
Siblings weren't meant to be 6 months apart
I've got a 4 1/2, 5, 5 1/2 and 6 1/2 year old. The two youngest are both fireballs. And it is coming out. When you have one who is losing their "place" in the family, being moved out of her room and having to share all of her toys added to one who is being bounced around and feeling lost, and scared, insecure and misses her mommy, it is not a good combo. Both have the ability and skill to be somewhat manipulative, both are fighting for their own rights and both have valid reasons to justify their behavior. But oh wowy is this a challenge. So I am trying to be firm, while being nurturing.
Manipulation vs. Brokenness
Every time the littlest doesn't get her way or is told her behavior is unacceptable she breaks into tears and says she misses her mommy. And although I see that as valid, there is the piece of it that is a game, and her "go to" so I am left to figure out how and when to comfort and how and when to tough love her through it. There have been moments when it is very clear in both directions, but I fear messing up. I don't want to play into her game and teach and reaffirm her manipulation, but I fear even more erring on the tough love side and calling her bluff, when she really is broken. SO HARD!
I've got a lot to learn
- Most people go through training to become foster parents. There are classes and "how to" plans and things to be aware of. We were thrown in this with 10 days notice from the time we realized the need until the time the girls were left on our doorstep. There is so much I don't know!
- God has a lot to teach me. I feel like I am going through the refiner's fire and I look forward to coming out on the other side pure gold. Not so looking forward to the burning of the impurities process.
Things I hope we gain through this experience
- A closer sense of family. I hope that our core of 4 will be stronger entwined on the other side of this.
- A reliance and trust in God. I hope to recognize our need for God in new ways, to learn to come to him first, and to watch and see the ways he carries us through.
- A thankful heart. In the really tough moments I have been trying to focus on the good. I have been listing and counting my blessings. I hope this becomes the true appreciation of my heart, and not just the exercise I am forcing it to be right now.
- A unified outward focus for our family of what it looks like and means to care for others, even at the cost of our own comfort and happiness. I want this for my kids. I want it for me, but without the difficult lessons it takes to learn it. But, looks like we are getting the lesson anyway. So I am hopeful the outcome will help make it worthwhile.
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