The New Normal

We seem to be adjusting to the new normal in our house.  It’s a funny word “normal,” because it is always changing. 

I am figuring out how to balance (juggle) caring for 4 kids.  I am seeing progress in how the girls are adjusting.  Noticing their amazing ability to conform and learn new rules and new routines.  They are amazingly malleable. 

Bryan is stepping up and settling in to the changes.  He’s learning to create space for himself when he needs it, to look for ways to help me when he thinks I need it, and we are finding moments together to read the Hardy Boys.  (We’re on book 7)

Kate is still struggling, but I got some good advice on some ways to protect and focus on our relationship and I see the benefits and the progress and I am hopeful.

Isabella is a sweetheart.  She can get grumpy but I’ve learned if I call her on it and make a joke of it she can snap out of it pretty easily.  She can also whine with the best of them but if I stop her and tell her I can’t understand her whines and encourage her to use her big girl voice, she is quick to compose herself and try again.

Kayle continues to take a lot of energy and effort, but I see progress in her the most.  She is learning that our consistency is here to stay.  She is pushing back less recognizing that the boundaries we have set aren’t going anywhere.  The tantrums are fewer and the trigger words to redirect her seem to be easy reminders for her about our expectations. 

I am seeing more clearly why she acts and responds the way she does and it is heart breaking.  Her manipulation skills are based on her desire to please.  If she upsets you she says “I love you Sandra.” It’s her first response.  She wants to please.  She wants to take away anger, and do anything she can to make you happy with her.  That tells volumes of the past she has lived in.  To have that skill so well honed at 4 is truly heart breaking.  She will lie to please you.  She will tell you she did something and apologize for it if she thinks that’s what you want to hear.  She will also lie and blame someone else if she did it, so you won’t be un-pleased with her. 

She just wants to tell you what she thinks you want to hear at all costs.  It is maddening trying to weed through it, but horribly sad when I take the time to understand where it is coming from.  But when she realizes what it takes to make us happy (eating her veggies, being kind to Kate) she does it and then looks at you with a beaming smile, reminding you for the next 4 days that she ate her broccoli, because she wants to you to be pleased with her.  So, we are giving her lots of affirmation, and seeing progress, and it feels good.