THE END

When we took in the foster girls last May, it was the beginning of a wild ride.There were tears, there were hugs, there was laughter, there were screams.And the kids were affected too.(tee-hee)

The person who seemed to have the wildest emotional rollercoaster experience was Kate.The beginning was hard for her.She gave up her room, gave up her seat in the car, had to share her mommy and was forced to step up in a lot of ways.She and Kayle fought (hard) for my attention.

But half-way through the summer, Kayle went to live with her dad, and we were left with only 3 little ones to care for, instead of 4.Isabella was the one we knew going into it.She was the reason we made the choice to take them in the first place. Kate got to move back into her room, and share it with Isabella, who really became like a sister to her.

Isabella’s special needs made some things frustrating, like having to repeat the same directions multiple times, or not being able to trust her to take care of simple things herself. But with her special needs came a simplicity that was endearing.

She idolized Kate. Followed her around like a puppy and did everything she could to please her.She didn’t fight back, she didn’t talk back, she didn’t seem to have an innate selfishness.She always put Kate first.Kate loved to boss mother her, and Isabella loved to be mothered/cared for. It was a somewhat unhealthy co-dependent relationship, yet it had its own endearing qualities about it.

So when Isabella left our home at the end of September, it was not with great rejoicing.Kate lost a companion, a good friend, a sister of 5 months.We had hoped to plan playdates and maintain relationship as best we could.He mom agreed to it in front of the counselors and social workers.

Yet when the time came, it never happened.We would set-up meeting times and without fail, her mom cancelled at the last minute each and every time.It got to where I stopped telling Kate in advance because she was so devastated each time.Her disappointment mounting as the stretches between seeing her lengthened.

Isabella’s birthday was in October and we had a gift we wanted to deliver.After many messages and no response we finally just dropped by her house. Isabella and Kate were beside themselves with joy at their reunification.

2 weeks later we found out that Isabella’s mom had moved her across town, pulling her out of school and Girls, Inc and everything that had become familiar to her.

2 weeks after that we were told she got on a greyhound and moved to Palm Springs.Kate was tearful.The threat of possibly never being able to see her friend again was too real.She immediately stated that she wanted to go to Palm Springs again for her birthday, in hopes of getting to see Isabella.She wanted her to come with us, and stay at the hotel with us.As the year has gone by, she has continued to look forward to the opportunity of getting to see and play with her friend in her new city.

I, on the other hand, have looked on the pending trip with a little bit of dread.Isabella’s mom got on a greyhound with her oldest daughter and moved 3 hours away…leaving behind her youngest daughter, sacrificing the weekly visits she had with the child she had raised who was no longer legally hers, and separating her daughters from any hope of a sibling relationship from here on out.The only consistency they had left in their lives.That made me not super hopeful for how much we would be allowed to stay in Isabella’s life.

Through Isabella’s CASA, I was able to get a hold of her new contact info.Kate drew Isabella a picture and sent her a card.I wrote her a letter telling her how we were and asking her how she was doing and telling her we missed her.We sent them off with no response.

Kate continued to reference her birthday trip and the hope of seeing Isabella in May.I dreaded the outcome.I feared that if Sam would even agree to it, there was little chance she would follow through.Instead, there was a good chance she would bail at the last minute, crushing Kate’s spirit yet again.

So, I put it off.It was better to not have it all confirmed than to know for sure it was over.But, as the trip grew closer, I knew I needed to be bold on behalf of my little girl. And for all of our sake.I missed her too and would have loved to have seen her and given her a big hug.Bryanmissed her silliness and was looking forward to playing with her again.

As our departure loomed, I made the call I had been scared to make for 6 months.I got voicemail.I explained that we were coming to the desert for Kate’s birthday, that she had been wanting to see her friend Isabella while were there, and asked if it would be possible for us to stop by and see her while we were there. I expressed an understanding that it could be difficult, and not knowing how Isabella was doing I wanted to be sensitive to that, but I asked Sam to call me and let me know either way.I never heard a word.No response.

It felt very final. Exactly what I feared and why I put it off.There was a hope in the unknown, that maybe if we wanted to, we could see her again. But this was the clear message that we were to be out of her life forever.It’s sad.As much for us as for Isabella.

Part of me wonders if it is shame on her mom’s part.Embarrassment that we raised her child for her for 5 months so she doesn’t want to be reminded of it.I also have no idea how it went when Isabella went back to live with her.It may be that she talked about us, or asked to come back, and because of that her mom doesn’t want her anywhere near us.My mind also wondered if Sam has screwed up again, and Isabella has been taken from her again, and she doesn’t want to admit that to me.Or maybe it is just that Sam doesn’t see it as important and so doesn’t bother.

Whatever her reasoning, we are sad to know that it is done.To have loved on and cared for that little girl only to have what could have been a continued relationship be closed off is painful.And now it is without question, over.